Pick up lines that will work on Shelley

1) Hey ho, what up?
2) C’mon ya know u want too!!!
3) My dick’s small but I’m good with my tongue.
4) Dont you want me to be your first?
5) I’m not really interested, I already have a girlfriend
6) In my spare time I mostly cook & fish
7) I’m sick of getting treated like a bitch. Im not bar backing anymore, I QUIT!!!
Oh, you have a headache? Swallow this “Aspirin”
9) Here’s a cherry vodka and coke, wanna make out?
10) Do you wanna make that mortgage payment?
11) It’s either you or Heather…
12) It’s either me or Bryan…
13) I always thought you were the pretty one Kelly.
14) I like shopping a lot too.
15) I’ll spit on you.
16) Hey Shelley, but for real, I think its time we make this serious.
17) Your name must be Summer – cause your hot!
18) Don’t worry you won’t feel a thing.
19) I’ll take you shopping at Coach.
20) I’ll be right over, just gotta ice down the fish!!
21) Longwood girls looooooove dick!
22) My last divorce cost me 150 thousand… You wanna come up to Ocean City, MD and become a charter boat captain’s wife? Or do you just wanna shack up? That tattoo accents your natural beauty, this 2 bucks is ALL yours.

*transcription of list items 1 through 21 provided by the pastry princess, the lady jess.
**original documents page 1 and page 2, see below..