woman

just to tag along with her for a perm at the hair salon was always in one way or another a learning experience to say the least – i asked her at least 100 times why that was necessary, and unfortunately had to learn such things many years later on my own, and with 3 beautiful little girls and a loving, gorgeous wife – i will continue only to learn about such things. i’d almost have to thank the other 5 or 6 regulars more so than grandma for some of the knowledge they passed on to me by overheard osmosis, when considering their no-holds-barred weekly conversation regiment. 

another part of being a woman, that many may not outright talk about at the dinner table, is a self-aware sense of the *best* fashion when compared to any other. and the fashion of whoever you roll with, whether family or the company you keep, is of utmost importance when making any outing. here’s my story – i remember standing outside of our church in roanoke rapids before services began, and grandma lightly grabbed me by the arm and whispered, “if your mother is going to the wear that hat, i am NOT walking into this church with her. you stay right here with me, and we’ll walk in together.”

grandma

many friday afternoon trips to grandma’s house will always hold a place in my heart and mind as simple, yet legendary childhood happiness. after school, grandma picked me up, soon followed by some quintessential mcdonald’s nourishment of something deep-fried, dunked in ketchup and barbecue sauce, and ultimately delicious. this treat could only be iced with a trip to k-mart (literally EVERY single time that i can remember, without fail) to pick out not 1, but 2 gi joes, star wars or transformers toys to make another weekend with grandma that much greater. as we started getting closer to her house, and i know now that a child around my age at the time could only be expected to do, i REALLY wanted to know if we were “there yet?” or “how much farther?” this spawned the song she made up for us to sing together, that every time i’ve been back to visit since those days, has found its way back into my head loud and clear.

“5 more miles to grandma’s house, 5 more miles to grandma’s house, 5 more miles to grandma’s house, and we’ll beeeeeeeeeeee there!”
“4 more miles to grandma’s house, 4 more miles to grandma’s house, 4 more miles to grandma’s house, and we’ll beeeeeeeeeeee there!”
etc. etc

looking back, i imagine logistically she started singing the song around a mile or so away from her house, or maybe just whenever my eager anticipation was spilling over into the realm of bothersome while driving.

here’s the part that i didn’t really ever put together as fitting into this scenario being a little boy’s dream weekend. when it was time to head home to roanoke rapids, whether for a saturday t-ball game or sunday afternoon ride following church (i’m guessing in the same church we’ll be in for her ceremony), it was made very clear that all those cool gi joes and transformers and star wars guys were to stay AT GRANDMA’S house! and i thought to myself – “now how is that cool?!?” it wasn’t!

at least until the next weekend, when it all made a little more sense.

mother

i was about 12 or 13 i think, so i guess my dad had to be almost 50 years old. like my dad and big brother had made a customary staple part of any day on or around the farm, we stopped by grandma’s house for a visit and glass of iced tea or force-fed home-cooked something or another. we were outside, and though i don’t remember exactly what grandma asked dad to do, i will forever remember the outcome of his casually smiling and laughing at the thought of doing it. she asked to do whatever it was one more time, to no avail. the third and final time, she emphasized her intention (which i must admit did seem a little superstitious or whimsical in nature, even to me at that age) by saying “fred, i am very, very serious.” whatever he did at that point was too late. she was down those steps and at least 50 feet into the front yard in what seemed like two and a half seconds. and she hadn’t made that trip to talk anymore. i watched my grandma d give the greatest mother to son spanking of all time, complete with “oh yes you will bend over!” and “as long as you’re my boy, you can get a spanking from your mama!”